first day back at school today. it really hit me as i got off the bus and faced the building ive had to call my school for the last seven years that i cannot wait to get out of it. i know some people are getting teary-eyed already at the prospect of leaving, but it just spurs me on to get as far away as possible.
just being in the common room this morning, around the same dull dry boring fake idiots that have always been there and who look down on so many of us, got me into such a bad mood i had to stomp home in the rain. and soaked my trousers in the doing of said stomping.
what is seriously the hardest thing to get through is the realisation that in two months it'll all be over. today's april 25th right? my last exam is on the 29th of june, meaning its literally 2 months 3 days until my A-Levels and essentially my school career [with the exception of founder's day and leaver's assembly] is OVER. and even though i have no real clue what i'm spending next year doing, i couldn't be happier about it.
so this is where i get to the crux of the matter: in order to feel confident on the 30th june that i did as much as i possibly could to get my precious 3As... i have GOT to work. there's no two ways about it, i just have to tell myself constantly, whenever im on myspace or watching tv, i could be rereading paradise lost now. making a list of hamlet quotes. learning as much about descartes as is humanly possible. dammit, i WANT to get to august 17th [results day..drum roll...] and feel confident opening that envelope. and i want to feel safe that somewhere, some university will be more than happy to offer me a place.
so im working. i have a list of all the work i can be constantly doing and redoing, as a separate section from my set work, all the multitude of essays [damn the three bloody essay subjects im taking] and im GOING TO DO IT.
this is essentially a pep talk to myself that simply has got to worm its way into my head and stay there. niggling at me whenever im procrastinating.
in order to do well, get 3As, get into uni and make my way in the world, i have to WORK for two months.
and then im free.